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The 10 Best Conservative Replacements For Glenn Beck’s Fox News Slot

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Posted on April 11 2011 6:00 am
Megan Fox is a stay-at-home mom, blogger, radio-talk show host and conservative folk-singer. Visit her at www.intolerantfox.com.

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Since the announcement that Glenn Beck is leaving Fox News, conspiracy theories abound. We may never know the whole story or the details behind the split but what we can do is wildly speculate who is going to take his place. The most important thing Fox News president Roger Ailes should keep in mind is whoever takes Beck’s time slot has to be someone who makes the Left put their full-blown moonbattery on display. It must be someone who pushes all the right buttons and enrages leftists, causing them to picket and boycott and all the other fun and hilarious things they do when confronted by conservative truth-tellers.

The thing I’ll miss most about Beck being gone is the reaction from all the statist twerps who hate him with a frenzy that can only be compared to neurotic miniature poodles who pee on the carpet when overexcited. Ailes should focus like a laser on replacing Beck with only the most hated personality he can find. Not only will it keep the ratings up, but it will provide sane people with fantastic entertainment. The following are 10 suggestions for conservative hosts sure to make the Left angrier (and funnier) than they already are.

10. We Have Lesbians Too, Only Ours Are Prettier: Meet Tammy Bruce

Nothing infuriates the Left more than a traitor, and Tammy Bruce is a pretty big traitor. Bruce is a lesbian, a former NOW chapter president, and lifelong Democrat. Then she saw the light when she realized that individuals aren’t welcome on the Left. Group-think is a requirement and Bruce isn’t a team player. She’s been one of the most popular conservative talk-show hosts and a best-selling author ever since. She loves to tweak the Left and isn’t afraid to say unpopular things. Readers at the Huffington Post went bananas after she called Michelle Obama trash.

“That’s what he’s married to,” Bruce said. “…You know what we’ve got? We’ve got trash in the White House. Trash is a thing that is colorblind, it can cross all eco-socionomic…categories. You can work on Wall Street, or you can work at the Wal-Mart. Trash, are people who use other people to get things, who patronize others, who consider you bitter and clingy…”

Just perusing the reader comments is a fun trip down the the progressive rabbit hole.

These are the kinds of people, however, that will encourage the upcoming slaughter of Republicans in the next election. In this way they are doing for the American people what Anita Bryant did for the gays- stir them to action. I look forward VERY MUCH to seeing far fewer Republican­s in the Congress and Senate after the next election. ~Johnny76

Those were delusional ramblings that Johnny76 wrote in 2009. In case you weren’t aware, the election in 2010 ushered in a record number of Republicans and enough people to fill the mall in D.C. who also think the White House is full of trash.

Who is this beatch, anyway? How long do we have to put with the Limbaugh’s, the Ingrams, the Hannity’s and the O’Reilly before someone says “enough”? ~tbrnotb

And there it is. The classic leftist solution to all of their detractors. Silence them! Off with their heads! Enough of this silly First Amendment nonsense! “Beatches” should be put to shame and then thrown off the airwaves.

It’s funny to listen to the Left talk about how much they love freedom and then watch them try to enslave anyone who dares to step off their ideological plantation. The best part about Bruce is the fact she’s a lesbian who understands quite clearly America’s resistance to gay marriage.

I, one among many, respect and understand the growing concern about the disintegration of our traditions and values. I am so concerned, it is the heart and soul of my second book, The Death of Right and Wrong.

Consequently, I respect the majority of Americans and their opinion that marriage should be defined as between one man and one woman.

It’s kind of hard to degrade her in the way they are used to degrading conservative women because they risk being hoisted by their own petard and called homophobic. That puts a whole new dynamic in the mix of defending Bruce against the Left. Anyone who attacks her, using their philosophy, is by default a homophobic sack of human waste. Oh, the delicious irony!

Bruce would not only enrage the pro-gay marriage Left but the anti-gun nuts too. Here’s a girl who loves her guns so much, she is photographed with them for press shoots! I love her and Fox News does too. She’s already a regular contributor.

Next, another uppity beatch who already owns the copyright to making the Left foam at the mouth…

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