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Louis Farrakhan and Charlie Sheen—Separated at Birth?

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Posted on March 3 2011 6:00 pm
Jesse Hathaway survived the progressive re-education camps of Ohio University and the People’s Republik of Athens, and now lives and blogs in beautiful Myrtle Beach, SC. Follow him on Teh Twitter, and become part of his Right Turns Only posse.

Perhaps Louis Farrakhan, leader of the religious movement-cum-ship of fools called the Nation of Islam, was feeling like Charlie Sheen was cornering the market on tiger blood. Perhaps Farrakhan is really a locust-type creature that comes out every few years, makes a few annoying sounds, and goes back to sleep.

Whatever the reason,—Farrakhan, who believes that he was abducted by flying saucers piloted by Muslims in 1985—claimed at his… um… church‘s annual national convention that “Zionists dominate the US government and banks,” and were “[mounting] a military offensive against Gaddafi,” whom he called “my brother and friend.”

Apparently, no one bothered to tell Farrakhan that Gaddafi is a decadent Third World dictator, and that not even the most uneducated progressive supports him. Well, okay. Farrakhan and his supporters may support Wacky Gaddafi, but when you remove them from the polling sample, no one likes Gaffadi as a despot.

Lest you think that Farrakhan is an anti-Semite, he “refudiated” those claims, arguing that “Some of you think that I’m just somebody who’s got something out for the Jewish people,” Farrakhan said. “You’re stupid. Do you think I would waste my time if I did not think it was important for you to know Satan? My job is to pull the cover off of Satan so that he will never deceive you and the people of the world again.”

Good. I’m glad that we got that cleared up. Farrakhan is not a Jew-hater, but he does what he does so that all know that Jews are Satan, and are going to deceive us. And torture our eternal souls. Or something.

Having run out of Glenn Beck Show clips to analyze for hints of non-existent anti-Semitism, the Anti-Defamation League’s Abe Foxman stated the blindingly obvious, saying that “Anti-Semitism has suffused the Nation of Islam’s message, and Farrakhan is the standard bearer and bigot in chief… Perhaps what’s more disturbing is that despite his anti-Semitic rants, he has not been made a pariah in his own community. What does it take for him to stop being a pied piper of hatred?”

When you think about Louis Farrakhan’s Sheenesque rants about Islamic extraterrestrials, Zionists hiding under the bed, and impending wars with his favorite Muslim tyrant, one’s led to wonder if he would have contributed more to society if he had pursued his career in classical music, instead of joining the Nation of Islam “church” at a friend’s behest.

Scientists tell us that, due to the way the universe works, with every decision we—as well as every particle and thing in the universe—make, a parallel universe is created, in which the other decision was made. Perhaps, in one of these other realities, there exists a “Louis Eugene Walcott” who is a famous musician, and is, as Charlie Sheen would say, “bi-winning.”

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