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Dennis Kucinich Announces Bid to Run for President…of Egypt

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Posted on February 7 2011 6:30 pm
Fingers Malloy hosts The Snark Factor radio program on FTR Radio. Check out his website at FingersMalloy.com

Kucinich to strangle the Sphinx

In an announcement that shocked political pundits from Cleveland to Cairo, Rep. Dennis Kucinich threw his hat into the ring in a bid to become the new President of Egypt.

At a press conference underneath a rainbow near a pot of gold–Kucinich made the case for his campaign:

Look, I want to be the president of something. I ran for President of the United States, of the Dustin Diamond fan club and of our fantasy football league. I lost every race.

But this time I have an ace in the hole. Howard Dean agreed to be my running mate. Once we win this election and I am the Egyptian President, people will look to Egypt as the Cleveland of the Middle East.

During an emotional pitch at a press conference inside a Stuckey’s restaurant in Dayton Ohio, Howard Dean pulled no punches:

Dennis and I are not only going to Suez, Tom Harkin. We’re going to Taba and Luxor and Aswan and Girga. Then we are going to Helwan and Port Said and up the Nile to Cairo, to take back the Abdeen Palace…Yeah!!!

Kucinich went on to say that he is going to run on his pet issue–bringing the Fairness Doctrine to Egypt (note to Rachel Maddow, this is satire).

Right-wing talk radio dominates the airwaves in Cairo. It is filled with bile and it is the reason that there are riots in the streets. It must be balanced.

In an attempt to show my fellow Egyptians what successful leftest radio sounds like, I have already inked Alan Colmes to a 3 year contract with Cairo’s number one talk radio station, ABBA.

The number one radio talk show host in Cairo–El Rushie Limbaughli Bech, is skeptical of what a President Dennis Kucinich could bring to Egypt (attention Rachel Maddow, this is satire).

Kucinich is a pinko leftist. We do not want socialism here in Egypt. We want a government that hearkens back to the principles of our Phounding Pharaohs.

We will report more on this important story as developments…develop (attention Rachel Maddow, this is satire).

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