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Nikki Haley Is a Racist White Man. Or Something.

Posted on February 5 2011 12:00 pm
Jesse Hathaway survived the progressive re-education camps of Ohio University and the People’s Republik of Athens, and now lives and blogs in beautiful Myrtle Beach, SC. Follow him on Teh Twitter, and become part of his Right Turns Only posse.
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In November, a wave of freshman Republican governors were elected across the nation, including Tea Party favorites John Kasich in Ohio, and Nikki Haley in South Carolina. As they take office and set to work fixing their respective states’ crises, both governors face organized resistance from progressives in their states. And by “organized resistance from progressives,” I mean “ridiculous charges of racism by Democrats.”

As covered previously at NewsReal, Ohio Democrats accused Kasich of being a closeted racist, as “proven” by his failure to fill Ohio progressives’ quota of minorities in his gubernatorial Cabinet. A few days later, South Carolina Democrats picked up the chorus, accusing Governor Haley of seeking out an all-Caucasian cabinet.

South Carolina State Representative Leon Howard (D-Richland) told the Columbia, SC State newspaper that his hackles were raised when he “went back [into the governor’s office today,] and all I did was shake white people’s hands.” Completely unaware of the non-Morrisettian irony of his statement, Rep. Howard added, “that’s offensive.”

One is led to wonder if Rep. Howard would find this choice cut from the shoulder shank of progressive tolerance “offensive,” as well.

Cagle Post is a national cartoon website started by famous political cartoonist Daryl Cagle. One of the cartoonists featured by the Post, Puerto Rico El Nuevo Día staffer Taylor Jones, posits an interesting theory: Nikki Haley is really a white girl.

Not so much torturing logic as cremating it and smoking the ashes, Jones asserts that since Haley’s parents are Punjabi-born Sikhs—whom his research on Wikipedia reveals are considered “Indo-Aryan” by genetic researchers—they are “more Caucasian than 90% of the ‘white,’ conservative Republicans who will likely carry her to victory in South Carolina this November.”

Included in Jones’ in-depth explanation of why Haley, as well as fellow Indian-American Republican governor Bobby Jindal are really just white people with really good tans, is an illustrative reminder of that Nikki is one of those scary brown people—a buck-toothed, big-nosed Haley wearing the South Carolina state flag as a headscarf, drawn with all the subtlety of a nuclear bomb. Hmm, where have I seen this joke beforegosh, it seems so familiar

Clever, Taylor. I see what you did there.

With its oh-so-subtle, requisite jabs at Glenn Beck, Jones’ rant may be  intended to be read tongue-in-cheek, but his insults towards Palmetto State voters aren’t. He sneers, “while Ms. Haley is quite tan, she wouldn’t stand out amidst a sea of white sunbathers at Myrtle Beach this time of year. Except that she’s healthfully slimmer than your average South Carolinian, has prettier teeth […] she’s likely smarter than your typical Palmetto-stater, too.”

Completely oblivious to his bigotry, Jones asserts that only progressives can be considered “non-white,” claiming that Bolivian president Evo Morales can lay a more genuine claim to being non-white, as he is the first president of native-American descent” in his country.

Jones wraps up his confusing tirade against minority conservatives, claiming that Americans, “in general, think of Arabs as ‘white.’” He concludes, “So, Osama bin Laden is white, but Nikki Haley is non-white? Go figure.”

I… just… what… this… makes no sense… arrrgh!

This is just another example of the paradox that can not be solved by progressive thought—if one accepts, as an a priori principle that conservatism is racism, then how can one explain Nikki Haley, Allen West, Tim Scott, Ken Blackwell, Thomas Sowell or any of the growing number of, as Jones phrases it, “non-white” conservatives that shouldn’t—but, frustratingly, do—exist.

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