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Ronulan Cultists Luv Israel So Much, They Want To Abandon It

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Posted on December 28 2010 12:11 pm
Jesse Hathaway survived the progressive re-education camps of Ohio University and the People’s Republik of Athens, and now lives and blogs in beautiful Myrtle Beach, SC. Follow him on Teh Twitter, and become part of his Right Turns Only posse.
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The last time I wrote about Ron Paul and Israel was back in my days as a columnist for the Ohio University fishwrap, The Post. I ended up being stalked for weeks by the local chapter of the Students for Ron Paul, and was thoroughly creeped out. Please don’t stalk me, creepy people.

And now, your regularly scheduled NewsReal Blog post. Enjoy.

Ya gotta love the Internet.

Any yahoo with a few dollars and passable grammar can set up a website, and appear to be a reputable, vocal, influential advocacy group. From the progressive environmentalist group Voluntary Human Extinction Movement; to the dead-on-arrival progressive answer to the Tea Party, the Coffee Party; we’ve seen time and again that small fringe groups can look like huge grassroots movements, with the proper bit of spin and publicity.

Lately, supporters of fringe “paleo-libertarian” and perennial presidential candidate Ron Paul (pronounced “Whacka Whacka-whacka-whacka-doodle”) have been passing around a hastily-made website called “Americans For Israel” as proof that “Luap Nor” isn’t an anti-Semite. A sidenote, before I continue: if you say Paul’s name backwards when he’s nearby, he will be sent back to the alien dimension from whence he came.

Moving right along…

When he’s not hanging at college parties with budding progressives, writing about “how unbelievably fleet of foot” African-American teens are when they’re robbing stores, or collecting campaign funds from Klansmen and paranoid Truthers, Luap Nor spends his time fighting against Israel’s right to exist as a state.

Some people pass the time knitting, or golfing. Crazy Uncle Ron spends his time appearing on MSNBC, explaining why Hamas is really just a Palestinian version of the YMCA, and why Israel is the Fourth Reich. Everyone needs a hobby, I suppose.

However, you see, cutting off American support for the only liberal democracy in the Middle East, and leaving Israel to the wolves is—are you sitting down, this is a real knee-slapper—for Israel’s own good. You see, if we defend our allies, we only cripple them and make them needy.

So we should abandon our allies in the world, so that we don’t hurt them by helping them! It’s gold, Jerry—gold!

Next up: white is black! Left is right! Chocolate is vanilla! Ahh, I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!

The AmericansForIsrael website appears to have been abandoned by its owner, as the last post was in August 2010. The first post was made in January 2008, and only a handful of posts have been made in the past two years. Either they got bored with lying about the Israeli-American relationship, or Mom made them move out of the basement.

Still, the site’s existence raises the question: why do Ronulans feel the need to defend and spin their cult leader’s fringe positions regarding the Israeli state, if said positions were not considered unacceptable in polite company? If Ron Paul’s not questionably anti-Semitic, then why are his supporters so sensitive to the charge of anti-Semitism? Methinks they doth protest too much…

In short, the Paulites’ “Americans for Israel” group is as about as real as the Coffee Party or the Human Extinction Movement, and about as influential and sane. Fortunately for us, all three progressive “movements” have all of the clout and fan appeal of the Detroit Lions, minus the athletic ability.

And Calvin “Megatron” Johnson. They don’t have him, either.

Jesse Hathaway survived the progressive re-education camps of Ohio University and the People’s Republik of Athens, and now lives and blogs in beautiful Myrtle Beach, SC. Follow him on Teh Twitter, and become part of his Right Turns Only posse.

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