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I’m Global Freezing My A$$ Off

Posted on December 28 2010 10:00 am
Megan Fox is a stay-at-home mom, blogger, radio-talk show host and conservative folk-singer. Visit her at

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I just got off the phone with my best friend who lives in East Hampton (yeah, that’s how I roll) and she says the snow is up to their eyebrows out there and they can’t find their car … in their driveway. The entire state is shut down, folks are stuck on the train and no one is going anywhere for, well, a week or so probably. It never ceases to amaze me how the rest of the country handles a blizzard. I’m in the Chicago area so when we get 20 inches during the night we wake up in the morning to clean streets and (darn it) go to school. No kidding. Nobody does it better than the Chicago snow removal team. Kudos, guys, kudos. They really are impressive. 24 inches? No problem. It’s like it was never there when they’re done, which is overnight. It may be the one time a year I think the unions are awesome. And it’s the only reason Mayor Daley has been the mayor forever. I lived in Chicago and I (almost) voted for him! Our streets and sanitation department ROCKS during the winter months. Nobody is sleeping on the job when it snows.

But go a little east (where they always get a huge blizzard without fail every year) and they act like they had no idea it could happen to them and no idea how to fix it. My sister lives at the bottom of a hill in Maryland and every year, without fail, she gets snowed in for a week with no plow service. She’s had to walk to the grocery store before in 2 feet of snow. Yikes. She actually needs snow shoes. (Note to self for next year’s Christmas present.)

But I digress. Did you hear that South Carolina had it’s first Christmas snow since 1887? And Atlanta’s first since 1882? Hmmmm. Record breaking cold? Wait a minute. Something is wrong with these weather reports. This cannot possibly be true. Al Gore said our temperature was increasing at an alarming rate which would melt the polar ice caps causing the submersion of entire continents, the deaths of all those super-cute polar bears and extinction of life as we know it! And guess when that dire prediction was supposed to come to fruition? 2016. That’s right, only 5 short years from now. Somebody get me the odds in Vegas. I’m going to make some serious money on this. I’ll bet everything I have (as I’m staring at the two-foot icicles hanging inside the double pane window of my 140-year-old farmhouse) that, in the words of Napoleon Dynamite, Al Gore is a flipping idiot!

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