I love Christmas. I love almost everything about the season (exceptions soon to be noted). And I am definitely not one of those people who hates Christmas music. On the contrary, I drive everyone crazy with my insistence on playing holiday tunes from the day after Thanksgiving to New Year’s Day. I’m a regular Christmas elf. As such, I consider myself somewhat of a connoisseur of all things Noel. As such, I am uniquely qualified to offer this, a countdown of BOTH the best and the worst of Christmas.
As to the worst – well, that’s why I gave you that caveat about not hating Christmas music. Because I’m going to make you listen to the absolute worst all time Christmas music ever recorded. But to help you wade through that bitter swill, I’m going to offer you a candy cane in the form of the best Christmas movies/shows ever made. Will there be any politics in these lists? Why yes, Virginia, there will be. But there will be a lot more, too. So grab a cup of cocoa and settle in for whirlwind sleigh ride through the heights – and depths – of Yuletide entertainment…
The 10th worst Christmas song of all time:
“It Doesn’t Have to Be that Way” by Jim Croce
Well, it won’t ALL be political.
Jim Croce was cool. Who doesn’t love the poetic “Time in a Bottle,” the poignant “Operator,” or the exuberance of “Bad, Bad Leroy Brown”? HOWEVER. The man should never have gone near the idea of a Christmas song. “It Doesn’t Have to Be that Way” is just the least offensive in a chain of “let’s use Christmas as an excuse to write a super-lame relationship song” entries that we will be exploring in depth (betcha can’t wait!). Plus, this one’s kinda creepy, threatening, and stalker-ish:
“What we had should never have ended. And I’ll be dropping by today, ‘cause we could easily get it together tonight. It’s only right.”
The 10th best Christmas movie of all time:
Will Ferrell, despite being a fellow alum of the best university in the universe, is not always my cup of tea. And, this movie descends into a sort of clichéd silliness at the end (“you just have to BELIEVE!”). But Buddy the Elf is a character for the ages, and this movie has become a Christmas classic with good reason. Zooey Deschanel is charming as Buddy’s innocent love interest, and she performs a pretty fair rendition of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside.” Buddy’s unmasking of a fake Santa (“You sit on a throne of lies!”) is hysterical, as is his encounter with an arrogant and surly children’s book author (who happens to be a dwarf) who Buddy mistakes for a Christmas elf. Good-hearted, hilarious Christmas fun.
There. Now I made up for making you listen to Jim Croce. I hope the rest of our journey together is just as satisfying for you…
Next: more creepy lyrics, and frothy fun…