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Pastor Jones Koran Non-Burning Story Tops the Balloon Boy

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Posted on September 13 2010 12:00 pm
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In breaking news Terry Jones, pastor of the Dove World Outreach Center in Lakeland FL, has unaccountably become trapped inside an enormous helium balloon headed for New York City. There is mounting concern for the pastor’s safety, as the surrounding airspace has become dangerously congested with chase planes from the media, including one from MSNBC that actually appears to be firing on it.

The news of this mishap was initially reported earlier today by a “close relative” of Jones, whose initial garbled report became intelligible when another unidentified voice (heard on the tape) counseled holding the handkerchief a little further away from the mouthpiece.

Why Reverend Jones would’ve chosen this particular mode of transport for yet another meeting with the New York Mosque planners is unknown. One intriguing theory is he thought it would be less threatening if he presented his demands in a high-pitched voice reminiscent of the Lollipop League. Another is that he loaded up the gondola with a metric ton of Koran’s and was planning a  Hindenburg moment if the talks went sour. These and other scenarios have captured the imagination of pundits, panelists and commentators everywhere, creating a spontaneous outpouring of solemn, credulous nodding not seen since the polar ice cap in its entirety melted away early last July. Across the airwaves regular programming exposing racist Islamophobes has been preempted by special programming exposing racist Islamophobes in balloons, with special emphasis on Sarah Palin.

Updates as they occur.

Much has already been written about the Gilbert and Sullivan operetta that unfolded before our eyes last week involving the good Reverend,  his well-publicized intention to burn Koran’s on September 11, and the apoplectic reactions of not only the usual suspects – by whom I mean the more excitable elements of the Islamic community whose name appears to be legion (or more often than not Mohammed) – but also our political, military, media and cultural elites (not the least of whom is the ever sage Angelina Jolie).

Having watched the media swarm around Reverend Jones, not unlike five-year-olds around the ball at a soccer game—and breathlessly pursue his every deke and head fake (“Will he burn them/won’t he —  Is there a deal/isn’t there? Will he meet with the ‘Imans’ [sic]/won’t he? Will he ever get sixty people to attend that church/not a chance?”), the only question that remains is whether the man is a tactical Brainiac with a parenthetical genius for self-promotion, or the aforementioned elites are even more  gullible and ideologically myopic than any of us dared believe. Since any exposure to the good Reverend pretty much takes the first possibility off the table, we are left with the latter scenario by process of elimination.

I say this because in relative terms this particular trap was about as subtle as a very large fish hook with “IOU a worm” attached. Any serious group of villains should have recognized that responding to this tiny and utterly inconsequential church in a manner that validated the position of the Islamic extremists they pretend to abhor would expose massive inconsistencies in their own position on the Ground Zero Mosque, their cravenness in the face of Islamic intimidation and shakedowns, and the utter bankruptcy of the whole notion of “the moderate Islam community.”

But bite on it they did, repeatedly and enthusiastically, because, as living proof that the term “knee-jerk liberal” is more insightful than we imagine, they simply couldn’t help themselves. Reverend Jones didn’t need to burn a single book–presuming he ever intended to in the first place—his mission was effectively accomplished as soon as the media picked up on his Facebook page and ran with the story. The resulting patter chorus of outrage, comparable to anything out of the Mikado, exposed the elites in all their disproportionate, hypocritical glory.

The story here is not the violent reaction of the Islamic community, moderate or otherwise. We pretty much already knew about that. Sharia is not a system  replete with slaps on the wrist, unless “slap” in Arabic is synonymous with “hack.”  Anyone still unaware of the default Islamic response to any slight—real or imagined—would do well to revisit the stories of Salman Rushdie, Theo van Gogh, or any of the hundreds of victims of the reprisals in the aftermath of the infamous Dutch cartoon. Or alternatively, Google “Islamic riot” and pore over the million or so results.

The real story is the willingness of our elites–out of some combination of Stockholm Syndrome, self-loathing and a thinly-veiled contempt for Western civilization–to act as apologists and human shields for what amounts to a violent and repressive theocracy in waiting . As the Reverend Jones incident amply demonstrated, pretty much any story will do.

So to the media, one question remains. Inasmuch as Jones–that inbred, gap-toothed hayseed you are so fond of depicting him as—just played you like a Hammond organ, what exactly does that make you?

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