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Frank Rich Celebrates Festivus Instead of the Fourth of July

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Posted on July 6 2010 4:00 pm

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“I got a lot of problems with you people, and now, you’re gonna hear about it!!”

The above quote was uttered by Frank Costanza, the father of George Costanza of Seinfeld fame. Costanza invented the holiday Festivus, because he wanted to remove the traditional and commercial aspects of Christmas. Instead of a traditional Christmas tree, there is simply an aluminum pole. (Mr. Costanza said that he found tinsel to be “distracting”.) And, instead of a traditional Christmas dinner, there is the “airing of grievances” where you tell all of your friends and family how much they have disappointed you over the last year. And finally, at the end of the evening, there are the “feats of strength” where you attempt to pin one of your friends or family members to the floor. (See embed below for the story of Festivus.)

Now, in 2004, The New York Times ran a column reporting that some people actually celebrate Festivus. Well they should know, because Frank Rich apparently celebrates it in July instead of waiting until December. Honestly, it’s completely understandable. I mean, why tell just your friends and family how pissed off you are at them when you can tell off the entire country? Anything worth doing, is worth doing right.

So, without any further ado, here is Frank Rich’s airing of grievances against America, uh I mean a quick summary of his latest column about America and its history–

–When the Declaration of Independence was signed 234 years ago, slavery was still allowed.

–Fast forward to 1964, you got lynchings in Mississippi, Barry Goldwater voting against the Civil Rights bill, and Robert Byrd filibustering it for 14 hours.

–Now, Mayor Bloomberg doesn’t employ enough minorities, yada yada yada.

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