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I’m So Ronery! Kim Jong-Il Prepares for Succession and Still Looks Like a Grandma

Posted on June 27 2010 1:00 pm
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Dying is tough. Trust me, I know. I die at least seven times per every game of Call of Duty. In other words, it’s something I’m pretty familiar with. And so I know that when you die, you want to blow stuff up. Stuff like, say, South Korean warships. And that’s what’s been happening with Kim Jong-Il, who has mysteriously vanished from public appearances for long stretches of time, has had a stroke, and has kidney failure. Now, the South Korean intelligence chief says that he is suffering from memory loss and is showing signs of alzheimer’s disease.

The ruling party has decided to pick new leaders in September, which Al-Jazeera (I know, I know) says “could be a move to strengthen the hand of Kim Jong-Il’s potential successor.” And that’s his third son, Kim Jong-un, who reportedly suffers from severe hypertension. Oh, and an MI6 report says he also has an “explosive temper.” Wonderful.

These moves to prepare for the succession help explain the torpedoing of the South Korean warship earlier this year. British intelligence believes Kim Jong-un was the one that ordered the attack. Apparently, Kim Jong-Il felt this was a good way of getting the military used to taking his son’s orders. A pattern is developing. Kim Jong-Il had top officials pledge their loyalty to Jong-un shortly after a nuclear test in 2009. Every move to strengthen his son’s hand coincides with a major provocation.

So, expect more drama from North Korea.

Luckily, there are ways to retaliate short of war. I fully support beaming in clips from Team America such as this tear-jerker of a song (caution: offensive language):

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