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Pride and Sharia: Jane Austen Converts to Islam and Rewrites Her Novels

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Posted on March 19 2010 4:21 pm
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The specter of my country becoming a Marxist dictatorship was too much to contemplate any longer, so I took a brief respite with Elizabeth Bennet, the enigmatic Mr. Darcy and the absurd Mr. Collins in the pages of Jane Austen’s immortal Pride and Prejudice. Though Nancy Pelosi would be beautifully cast in the role of Lady Catherine De Bourgh, the cathartic universe penned so masterfully by Austen’s genius had all but chased the Speaker’s hideous memory, when I was struck by the realization that, if Phyllis Chesler and Robert Spencer are right, my Obama-less therapeutic world of Jane Austen may one day be sealed shut.

Phyllis Chesler, Feminist Hawk mentor, highlighted the horrific spectacle of what Sharia means in her article for today, Major Palestinian Demonstration Against Palestinian Honor Killings. Ever Heard of It? While the sight of Arabs decrying the logical outcome of Sharia is heartening, the crucial point is that the story of religiously mandated murder of women is, as Chesler’s title points out, completely veiled by the media. Sharia buries women alive and erases their minds, feelings, and independence.

What will our world become if we ignore the threat of Islamic Jihad and succumb, as other free nations have, to the prescriptions of Sharia? Every vestige of non-Islamic culture would be consigned to oblivion, as it was in Afghanistan. Western books, music, movies, anything that extols the individuality of women, so beautifully captured by Austen and so many others, would be forbidden.

While it is true that many social customs and external characteristics have changed since the age of Austen, Western belief in the superiority of marriage and family based on human love, compatibility and virtuous character endures. Let us see what havoc cold, misogynous Sharia Law would wreak on the values enshrined in Austen.

Pride and Prejudice

Chapter 1. Mr. Bennet informs his wife that he is going to a dinner given by Mr. Bingley. Girls remain at home and sew. Scratch the Meryton ball scene.

Chapter 2. Bennet returns from dinner and informs his wife that Bingley is about to marry four girls from London. Three men from the town have offered to buy Jane, but not Bingley, since he can get the London girls for less. Scratch the rest of the story about Bingley and Jane. A Darcy was at the dinner. He is married to Bingley’s sister, but doesn’t like her, so is looking about for wife # 2.

Bennet tells Elizabeth to finish sewing her new niqab because Darcy is going to ride over and have a look at her, as it were, to see if she’d suit. Bennet reminds his daughter not to talk. He is afraid Darcy will find out that she is intelligent and won’t want her.

Chapter 3. Darcy arrives and sits in parlor with Bennet, his veiled wife and five silent daughters. He decides that Elizabeth will do and tells Bennet he will return the next day to finalize details. Scratch the Netherfield Ball.

Chapter 4. Mr. Collins arrives and declares his desire to marry the eldest four girls. Bennet, having practically accepted Darcy’s offer for Lizzy, tries to offer Lydia, but Collins has heard that she was once fined in Meryton for talking too loudly in the market place.

Chapter 5. Collins goes to have a look at Sir William Lucas’s daughter, but promises to return in the evening. Scratch all the scenes with Elizabeth at Rosings, she can’t travel in the coach by herself with Maria.

Chapter 6. Mr. Wickham comes to town, but he can’t offer Bennet anything for the girls, and for some reason, he is never invited to Bingley’s dinners.

Chapter 7. The great secret is out! Mr. Darcy’s sister was caught speaking to Mr. Wickham in the park at Pemberly when she was 12. Darcy killed Georgiana to repair the family honor.

Chapter 8. Mr. Wickham comes to the house to visit Mr. Bennet. Mrs. Bennet catches Lydia looking at Wickham and informs her husband. This is Lydia’s second offence against purity. Her Uncle is summoned from London. He cancels a fox hunt, arrives at Meryton and restores the family honor by gathering the men of Meryton and stoning his niece. Mr. Collins settles for the three Bennet girls and Charlotte Lucas. Mr. Bennet gives Elizabeth to Darcy. Conclusion, everything has worked out for Mr. Bennet.

Emma

Chapter 1. Emma and her older sister are married to the eldest Mr. Knightley and move to London. Scratch the rest of the story.

Sense and Sensibility

Chapter 1. Mr. Dashwood dies. His son, John Dashwood, hears that his late father’s wife has a cousin, Sir John Middleton, in Devonshire who will let her come and live with him along with her three daughters. John Dashwood accompanies his late father’s wife and daughters to Sir John Middleton’s home.

Chapter 2. Middleton’s friend, Colonel Brandon, makes John Dashwood an offer for his young half-sister. John says yes, but adds that Brandon must also take the elder sister, since she is getting old and no one wants to buy her. Brandon offers half. They agree. Mrs. Dashwood will stay with Sir Middleton, she is too old to remarry. The youngest girl is married off to Sir. John Middleton’s acquaintance, Willoughby who likes very young girls. Scratch the rest of the story.

Losing our freedoms is not an impossible fiction, it has happened to others, it can happen to us. The writings of both Phyllis Chesler at the Chesler Chronicles and at Robert Spencer’s Jihad Watch provide information on how to join in the war against those who want to erase Western Civilization, rewrite our history, and and edit women out of all that really matters in life.

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