Fmr. Gen. Sheehan Says Gays in the Military Caused the Srebrenica Massacre and Other Benign But Arguably Objectionable Things Which Caused Completely Unrelated Hoaxes to Retroactively Materialize

No, he really said that.  Fresh from the Leftist Parallel Universe:

And in other news:

• The color pink is responsible for ManBearPig.
• Beets killed Mohammed al Dura in cold blood.
• People who wear black and brown in the same outfit grow spaghetti in Switzerland.
• Being stuck behind a school bus when I’m running late bore and raised the Feejee Mermaid.
• Hippies secretly obtained and then published the Protocols of the Elders of Zion, which were documented by possums.
• Nellie Furtado’s asinine decision to ruin her face with that brow-lift forced the Alabama legislature to change the value of Pi.
• Taco Bell decided to purchase the Liberty Bell when Chex Mix started to suck.
• Hangnails formed the Association of Swiss Mountain Cleaners last year.
• Björk was inspired to join Led Zeppelin by stepping on a Lego in her bare feet.
• Women who speak in fake little-girl voices killed the president of Georgia last weekend.
• Holes in your favorite argyles gave Dmitri Medvedev a nuclear-proof limousine as a birthday present.
• Debbie Wasserman Schultz‘s voice, in tandem with sissily groomed poodles, created the invisible car.
• Free-range Turtle Wax was developed whole-cloth from Richard Lugar‘s paralyzed upper lip.
• Leggings gave us the most ethical and transparent Congress in history.
• People chewing with their mouths open have driven polar bears to near-extinction.
• When every radio station conspires to run commercials at the same time a Jackelope sprouts his antlers.
• Anderson Cooper to lost to Cheech Marin on Jeopardy! because of a faulty buzzer.

Actually, Anderson Cooper really did lose to Cheech.