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Note To Banks: Be Careful Whom You Crawl Into Bed With, He Might Just Become Your Pimp

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Posted on November 1 2009 4:27 pm
Divorced Dad of three. Collection A.V.P. by day, humor/political blogger after the evening dishes. Looking for hot/wealthy/uber-lifted Scottsdale Granny for hi-jinks, hiking, and Saturday-morning coffee. Is this e-harmony?
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That's one strong pimp hand. And the banks are about to feel it. They only have themselves to blame.

Millions of consumers have found out the hard way that there is no such thing as a symbiotic relationship with a bank once you’re behind on your payments. The Financial Institution usually turns a deaf ear to the customer’s pleadings and simply rests on the contract: the interest rate gets jacked up, the late fees and over the limit fees snowball,  the credit turns stinky,  and negotiations are not even considered until the account is totally charged off and is turned over to me, your friendly neighborhood bill collector.

I’ll bet you a thousand defaulted customers have wailed a version of the following to me over the last umpteen years:

“They PROMISED me they wouldn’t do this! Why do I have to deal with you?!”

Just remember: When you hop in the sack with someone you don’t know, and were foolish enough to sign a contract with them, sometimes you get what you probably don’t deserve. It hurts, humiliates and in general makes you despondent, but there is nothing you can really do about it that will make you whole again.

Banks do it to people all the time. And Rep. Barney Frank (D-Mass) does it to the banks better than anyone I know.

Just like I don’t feel all that sorry for people who mindlessly run up multiple credit cards, I certainly don’t feel any empathy for the repositories who have suckled up to Barney’s jiggling teats and now find themselves being ordered around by the Massachusetts Madam.

They probably didn’t figure he would be so mean to them when he was cooing into their captive ears at 2 AM.

But now that they’re finding out that he didn’t really love them, and was only giving them lip service (sorry, I can’t help myself,) they’re waking up to the cold light of day in a bad part of town with no shower in sight.

Just listen to this October 29th clip of Barney zestily detailing the punishments he has in store for the financial institutions who have been coaxed into his lair:

Andrea Mitchell of MSNBC is positively enraptured by him, and why not? Pimps know how to hypnotize the harlots who work for them. Then they beat them. Can’t let them get too comfortable, after all.

So if you want to find out what it’s like to become a slave, sign up for one of those platinum or uranium cards or whatever it is the banks are selling these days, and then charge on it and fall behind.

Or go to work as an executive of one of the banks who accepted bailout money. You’ll not only be subjected to lots of Government meddling in your affairs but you’ll probably get your salary cut, to boot.

And then you’ll have to sign a check over to another poor sap of a counting house who is also in Barney’s stable – and didn’t have enough left over after “Mr.” Frank took his cut.

Should have listened to your Mom.

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